Freedom

What a nice word! It brings to mind butterflies fluttering from flower to flower under the summer sun, Old Glory waving amid rockets and bombs bursting in the air, the cries of oppressed people in many nations. Most of us value freedom. We like to make our choices without being coerced by others.

Children are made in the image and likeness of God. They are born with free will. New parents usually find out very soon that their child has a mind of his or her own. Parents learn early that they can't turn their child on and off like a television set.

I often observe mothers interacting with their toddlers. They hold the children for a few minutes until the baby starts to squirm. Then they set the child down and watch. As soon as the child goes too far or into an inappropriate place Mom gently picks the child up again. These children have as much freedom of movement as they can use well. It's the way education should be, I think.

Respecting the God-given freedom of the child while still setting appropriate limits involves several principles. First of all, it's important to have realistic expectations of the child. If the parent or teacher expects a student to think about homework without a regular schedule, a two-year-old to stay out of the street without supervision, or a teenager to come home on time when nobody seems to care, those expectations will probably meet with disappointment. Likewise, tasks that are too difficult result in much frustration and never get done anyway. If the student doesn't understand how to do the assignment, or if the job takes more time, attention, or energy than the child has, trying to pressure the child to do it anyway produces negative results. People sometimes say things like: "He's in the fifth grade, he should be able to do this" or "She's just lazy". Such thinking makes the parent or teacher angry. After that happens the problem just gets worse. When a child hesitates to tackle a task, the child needs help. That help may be additional instruction, breaking the task into parts, and/or some assistance to get started. The moms in the example above don't expect their active toddlers to sit still for long periods of time.

The next step to respecting a child's freedom is to make reasonable rules that help the child. Having more rules than the child needs or remembers leads to oppositional behavior because the child quickly despairs of ever pleasing the over-demanding parent or teacher. Jesus, Our Lord, leveled sharp criticisms at the religious leaders of his day for making so many rules that it took years to learn them all. Jesus himself refused to obey their unreasonable regulations many times when He healed people on the Sabbath. On the other hand, when the child remembers a few reasonable rules, the child internalizes that learning and begins to respond without outside assistance. A child who makes good choices needs no exterior pressure to conform.

The third step in respecting a child's freedom is communicating limits in a kind way that the child understands and accepts. The mothers of the toddlers above don't try to communicate verbally with their babies. They use gentle actions that their children understand. There's no anger, and no crying.

These moms, do, however, communicate limits. They don't assume unrealistically that their children are born knowing how to act. When parents or teachers don't say "No" the child ends up doing things that are irritating, destructive, and unsafe. The child who doesn't sense where the boundaries are constantly gets punished, and the problem gets worse and worse until significant adults communicate reasonable limits.

Delivering limits in an angry tone of voice also has devastating effects. Children are very dependent upon their parents, teachers, and other caregivers. When these significant adults display impatience children feel angry and afraid. These negative feelings then overwhelm the child's ability to use and understand language. After that happens, verbal communication has to wait until the child regains composure.

The best education respects the freedom of the children of God by communicating reasonable limits in kindly ways. We're all God's children. We all need gentle correction now and again. We can begin by doing for our children what Our Father God does for us.

Mary Sue Laing, Resource Teacher, St. Ambrose School newskill7@msn.com

Mary Sue Laing, M.Ed.
Resource Teacher, St. Ambrose School
newskill7@msn.com

by Mary Sue Laing, M. Ed., New Skill, Inc. Academic Tutor