Self-Control

"Self-Discipline May Beat Smarts as Key to Success" proclaims a recent Washington Post headline. The article reports on a study at the University of Pennsylvania in which researchers conclude that self-discipline is a better predictor of academic success than IQ. These researchers suggest that self-discipline and self-denial could be a key to saving U.S. schools. They see self-discipline mainly as the ability to delay gratification in order to increase future gains.

No one denies that self-discipline is necessary for success. The burning question is how to help children develop the ability to delay immediate gratification in favor of a future goal. In real life that means bypassing opportunities for pleasure now in order to have something better in the future. That means preferring homework over the invitation of a friend to do something exciting. It means waiting to eat until dinnertime instead of filling up on sweets and chips in the late afternoon. It means passing up a favorite movie to get enough sleep on a school night.

Children aren't born knowing these things. They need the example and teaching of the adults around them. They need to see adults turn off their computers and TV's in order to get enough sleep. They need to hear adults say "no" to invitations that interfere with responsible choices. Children should experience the positive results of making good choices quite frequently.

One of the most important bases of self-control development is to have a regular schedule. A schedule that provides well for the child's needs focuses the child's energies on important things that must be done. For example, when it's time to do chores or homework, it's much easier to make the correct choice when the child is in the habit of doing those activities at a certain time each day. Of course, following a schedule means that adults, too, have to curtail some activities in order to follow a schedule. The rewards of obtaining satisfaction from work well done, however, greatly exceed the price of skipping a few things.

Another underlying element that contributes greatly to the development of self-control is an emphasis on emotionally and physically healthy choices. Children who feel hungry, angry, lonely, or tired tend to overreact to everything that bothers them. They try to escape into emotionally gratifying choices that make all the problems worse.

Positive social relationships, on the other hand, build emotional health and self-control. The Book of Proverbs says that two friends are like a walled city. True friends are supportive of each other in ways that defend well against the problems that life always brings. Family members, teachers, and classmates are the first friends that a child has. Time spent on building good relationships is an important investment in a child.

Physically healthy choices include regular outdoor exercise, sufficient sleep, and eating regular meals with meat, vegetables, and fresh, whole fruit. A child who enjoys balanced nutrition, plenty of outdoor exercise, and enough sleep feels well and strong physically. Feeling well and strong makes self-control easier.

And, finally, the most important aspect of self-discipline is relationship with God. Weak human persons need God's grace to overcome tendencies toward laziness and pleasure-seeking. Trying to please God is also the best motivator for delaying gratification in favor of a higher level reward.

When we sing "My Country 'tis of Thee" we ask God in the name of America to "Confirm thy soul in self-control, thy liberty in law." The self-control of a nation depends upon the self-control of each of its children. Building self-discipline in a child is an enterprise worthy of sacrifice.

Mary Sue Laing, M.Ed.
Resource Teacher, St. Ambrose School
newskill7@msn.com

by Mary Sue Laing, M. Ed., New Skill, Inc. Academic Tutor