The Power of Personal Presence

Earlier this week I was helping a child learn the Stations of the Cross. The fourth, fifth, and sixth Stations are easy to remember because they are all about personal presence. If Mary had been like many mothers she would have protested to the Chief Priests about the abuse of her Son, pulled at the arms of the soldiers, or at least sobbed and wept loudly. Mary didn't do any of those things. She was quietly present, as always doing God's will, not her own. Mary was immensely comforting to her son in his terrible suffering. She was rewarded a few hours later by becoming the heavenly mother of us all. Simon of Cyrene, who happened to come by, helped Jesus carry the heavy cross. He and his sons would soon be among the first Christians converted by the Apostles. Veronica offered her veil to soothe his bleeding face. She received his image on the veil and his presence in her life forever.

Education textbooks say that a good way to enhance student self-control is to use personal proximity. Actually, teachers have always seated the children with the most difficulties close to the teacher's desk. The personal presence of the teacher makes it easier for children to behave. The presence of parents comforts distressed children. When children have some problem to overcome, I have often advised parents to increase positive adult attention. Positive attention from an adult helps a child feel calmer in the face of fears and problems. The Book of Proverbs tells us that two friends are like a walled city. People who are present to each other can help and support each other so much that an enemy can't break through their stronghold.

When people are all friends with each other, everybody has friends. Vibrant communities tend to cluster around churches and schools. Children who grow up with community support are fortunate, indeed. They not only enjoy the firm support of other people during times of stress, but they also give of themselves to others in need and reap the infinite rewards of that. People who participate in a community also have a realistic self-image because they receive the responses of other people on a continuing basis. If a person with strong community contact goes a little beyond one limit or another or lets children do so, the person will receive some warnings about the issue before bad habits become deeply ingrained.

"All the lonely people, where do they all come from?" sang the Beatles in their song "Eleanor Rigby". The lonely people come from laziness, self-involvement, and pleasure-seeking that substitutes for relationship. The lonely people come from unresolved anger in families and from the practice of addictions, which are really the worship of substances or evil activities instead of God. Our society harbors countless numbers of lonely people. They can be found in nursing homes, jails, and alone at home in front of computers or TV sets.

Our lives and the lives of our children don't have to be that way. We can be present with and for each other, especially the young, the weak, the elderly, and the sick, who are the most often forgotten by the busy working world. If we are willing to leave behind our self-involved activities we'll have the Presence of God in exchange for our presence with suffering people. It's a pattern of the Stations that repeats in our lives too.

Readers, please share your thoughts and experiences with me. The comments of many people make this column vibrant and relevant. Contact me at: newskill7@msn.com or call me at: 703-691-0191 (home), or 703-501-9013 (cell). I'm eager to hear from you.

Mary Sue Laing, M.Ed.
Resource Teacher, St. Ambrose School

by Mary Sue Laing, M. Ed., New Skill, Inc. Academic Tutor