Rules

We all start out as dependent infants aware only of our needs and of the people who meet those needs. Gradually we learn that other people are separate from us, that they have their own thoughts and feelings. First of all we know the people who care for us, then those in the extended family or neighborhood. When we go to school we acquire an awareness of the people in the school. Through the middle and upper grades we learn about others in our town, in our state, and in our country. As teens and adults we add countries around the world and the good of humanity in general to our awareness.

The perception of rules and laws has a parallel development. At first, we start hearing, "No-no" when we've gained enough independence to do some damage. Later on, we become aware of the rules for all people in the household, then the school, the town, state, our country, and all of humanity.

As a child grows he needs to develop an awareness of group goals and of how his personal needs can be met by contributing to group goals. If all the children in a classroom are friends, then everyone will have friends, so fighting is against the rules. When an individual feels like fighting, the underlying need has to be identified and met another way. When children don't write their information properly at the top of the paper, the teacher can't teach as well, so there are rules about how to start a paper. Wearing proper uniforms fosters a sense of belonging and community, so there are rules about uniforms. When children do unsafe things on the playground, people get hurt, so there are playground rules.

All too often, rules are taught by reward and punishment, with little or no attention given to developing an understanding of the purpose of the rule. As a result, children sometimes fail to perceive the goal the rule is designed to serve. They see the rule as blocking their personal desires, but not as accomplishing anything. If rewards then diminish and punishment escalates the student can become either withdrawn or rebellious.

The first step to successfully intervening in rule-breaking behavior is to identify the need the student is trying to meet. Is the student attempting to gain friends by entertaining others at the wrong time? Has the student recently been in an environment where the rules were not so strict? Is the student having a hard time keeping up in one subject or another? After the basic need has been identified, it can be fairly easy to help the student meet the need in a productive way.

The second step to successful intervention in rule-breaking behavior is to encourage awareness of and investment in the goals of the group. The student needs to understand that positive contributions to group goals make the day more pleasant for everyone, including himself. Of course, consequences may still be necessary, especially if the habit of misbehavior is very strong.

When working with students to develop awareness of group goals I've often been pleasantly surprised to have a student or two come up with a better suggestion for meeting those goals than I had been able to devise. Sometimes students can get rid of rules they find burdensome or unfair by creating a more efficient way of accomplishing the goal. That's a true win-win situation. It seems like a dream, but it really does happen sometimes if, instead of escalating the punishment, we talk about meeting needs and accomplishing goals.

Readers out there, tell me what you think. Contact me at: newskill7@msn.com or call me at: 703-691-0191 (home), or 703-501-9013 (cell). I'm eager to hear from you.

Mary Sue Laing, M.Ed.
Resource Teacher, St. Ambrose School

by Mary Sue Laing, M. Ed., New Skill, Inc. Academic Tutor